Upon being married for 10 years

Ten years. That’s how long my husband and I have been married.

We’re even more grateful now to have chosen each other than we were on our wedding day. I’ve been thinking about what has carried us this far, to this place, ten years later.

Commitment. Love. Trust. Forgiveness. Fun. Obviously—these are givens.

Looking beyond those, I keep seeing evidence that the key (at least for us, in our particular marriage) is honesty.

By honesty, I don’t mean just fidelity or the absence of lies. I mean a priority for finding the truth, about each other, about ourselves. What kind of person am I really when my guard is down? Which fears do I still carry around with me? Which shining gifts have each of us not recognized in ourselves? When we’re arguing, what’s the truth about what’s going on? How well will we help each other achieve what we care about?

We reflect the answers back to each other like mirrors. When we see answers we don’t like, we only make progress if we don’t look away.

Honesty has been present in every gain we’ve made in building this marriage.

I think honesty might be necessary to create anything good or lasting, whether it’s an organization or a book or a class or something new. 

In my experience, I can’t breathe in an organization where everyone wears a façade, I write junk when I try to be clever instead of honest, I make dumb mistakes when I avoid being honest with myself.

To honesty. And to ten more years even better than the last.